Grand Unified Conspiracy Theory

 After many weeks of listening to just about all I can
stand of conspiracy/mystery radio, I have finally been able to

put everything together.

I hope I didn't miss anything.

Ahem.

Earth is flat, but also hollow. 

A New World Order (AKA Fourth Reich) is being orchestrated by the Reptilian aliens, who are also angels from biblical times who are fighting with the Nephilim demon angels who had relations with human women to make us all descendants of a corrupted giant alien race. This giant race of people are the reason for the Flood and also the reason why your cell-phone doesn't work out in the middle of the forest and why that one guy at work is always so mean to you.

The grey aliens are from Mars, which is real and globe-shaped (somehow it's different from Flat-Hollow Earth), but the Moon is really a hologram. The hologram Moon is also an artificial object placed there by alien races, but also by our government to spy on us and to act as an alien outpost. The same aliens who put the Moon where it is also made the Great Pyramids. These super advanced alien beings haven't done anything remarkable since then except reappear as Bigfoot occasionally in dense forests and blow up our skyscrapers and make bridges fall down. The hologram Moon fills itself with light from the Sun then gradually loses the light by pouring it back out. This happens every month and is called the Lunar cycle.

Atlantis is real, but no one can find it because it exists inside of a D-wave computer simulation, that we are also a part of, despite being images of God. God is a D-wave quantum computer somehow. This computer is in cahoots with CERN and the Large Hadron Collider and together they open portals and vortexes to let in ghosts. The LHC will also eventually create a black hole to end life on our Flat-Hollow Earth, but that isn't mentioned at all in the Book of Revelation. I think the Gospels forgot to mention it too.

The portals allow demons in the shape of wolves and glowing orbs to enter our Earthly plane and corrupt and influence politicians and philanthropists and social media platforms. Viruses aren't real, but you can totally spontaneously heal any disease, including sicknesses caused by viruses (that aren't real), by communing with your spirit guide (who just might be The Jesus). If you are really lucky, you'll see a dragon come out of a portal in Utah. The dragon will announce its presence by communicating with the local deer population. And the dragon will talk to you, but no one else can see it.

Speaking of deer, if you're in the forest waiting for your spirit animal to arrive, you'll probably see a deer or a rabbit or a bird of prey. But you won't see these animals because they are common woodland critters; you will see them for Important Spiritual Reasons which is all be explained in my newest book, which you can buy from Amazon dot com. You can buy my latest book for these Important Spiritual Reasons. Buy my book.

Finally, chemtrails are the reason your favorite TV show was cancelled. The Government, run by Reptilians, (remember?) is telling us all what conspiracies to believe because it's a convenient way to mind control all of us sheeple. So, it's a good idea to fall in line and join the herd of people who really know the TRUTH™

Oh, and UFOs are real. They pop in an out of 14 different dimensions, but are totally real. The people who see them are all people who just want to see them and all those non-believers just have accept that. The UFOs and their alien/angel/demon inhabitants are just super selective. Fortunately, the probing procedures are finally coming to an end.

But, of course, we'll all remember this differently in five years because of the Mandela Effect.