You watch them.
You love them.
Admit it.
You like the cheesy, predictable Lifetime-esque christmas movies.
shows non-stop holiday movies. They're all the same, really, and the discount
Lifetime isn't lost at all.
They all begin the same way. Well, one of two ways, really.
Scenario One has the high-powered business woman who has to return to her hometown
to deal with some small hometown business and she reunites with the hometown hunk
(AKA Plot Device) who shows her that working isn't everything and that Christmas
is a time to abandon everything she's worked hard for and return back
to hometown to settle down in boring obscurity. Along the way she must
have a falling out with City Boyfriend who doesn't really love her and show her
that Hometown Hunk is really the man for her.
Scenario Two involves some person of royalty, often a Prince. The Princester finds himself
in said small town (doesn't matter where, they're all the same) through some weak
contrivance, misunderstanding, or just by trying to avoid his royal responsibilities.
This inevitably leads to his meeting the Hometown Sweetheart
(AKA Female Plot Device, who usually works in a bakery or diner) who shows him
that what he really wants is to abandon his family and royal life and settle down in
SmallTownsVille, OR he whisks her away to his fancy pants land.
The acting is usually passable, but the interactions between the
characters always comes off as community theatre meets
cartoon caricatures. The romantic leads will almost
always lack any chemistry and will always
talk to each other as though they have just met five minutes ago.
The background music will always be way too loud.
Seriously, at times it will drown out the best friends' heart
to heart talk about Plot Device or what to do about Plot Device and City Boyfriend
(doesn't matter which, they're all the same)
The movies are all set in some gazebo-riddled town in Vancouver.
The soundtrack is all the same. Doesn't matter which movie, the jangly
guitars, delicate piano, and swelling strings are all the same. It's like
the music was all pulled from the same royalty-free music site
that beauty bloggers on YouTube use for their videos. And it
Never. Stops. It's just continuous. Silence can be effective too!
Parental conflict is a must. Either parents are dead, and grandchildren are sad or parents
don't approve of the leads' life choices. Royal handlers should be petty and rigid.
Finally, the love interest are always the same. Hunky, square-jawed
fellows named Chris or James, with some rugged job like tree farming
or penguin wrestling.
Bonus points if the plot is some cheap knock off or twist on a fairy tale,
like Cinderella or Snow White!
💫💪💩
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